Emotions.....

A few days ago, a young girl was transferred over to my side for chemotherapy. She was only 17yrs old and diagnosed with leukemia.

2 days ago, I was planning the assigments for the following day when I heard a blood curdling scream. I thought that patient had a fall and went to take a look. A dr was actually trying to set an i/v hep plug for her so that they can transfused blood products. The currently used i/v hep plug was running chemotherapy and the other which was used to run PCT was not working. She was screaming away in pain and I think, I heard her saying that we told her no more poking needles or blood taking..... Well, in normal situation, ppl would say that she has low pain threshold and hated needle prick, etc. IMO, imagine that I/you/we was/were being prick EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail and at times.... MORE THAN ONCE per day how would we feel?? That does not include other tests that the young girl have to go thru' before she was diagnosed with leukemia e.g. blood marrow aspiration. We may not have fear for needles, injections, etc but after all that the girl had to go thru', I'm not surprise that she WILL develop FEAR for them. Yes... courage overcome fear... but for 17yrs old who assumed that they have the whole life ahead of them can/will never imagine that they will be lying on the hospital bed having to go thru' all this pain...... First, the dr will reveal that you have leukemia and what are the treatment options that you have and before you can really accept what was happening..... before you can even overcome the emotional pain, actual course of treatment had started which bring about other physical pain and those unwanted, unpleasant side effects.

Yesterday, I saw the young girl's parents went to look for the patient who had exchanged his appointment for central line insertion with their daughter so that she can go first. Her father was thanking him profusely..... his voice was breaking up and he was so closed to tears...

How I wished I can comfort them.... telling them that everything will be okay.... but I can't because it's never okay!!It's a long hard battle ahead. It touches me a lot.... how a person's kindness can actually has an impact on another person's life... how it saves the girl from having to go thru' more pain....

Many people have asked me before, why do I stay on in the ward. Isn't it depressing to see people dying everyday... seeing them in pain. I have worked in oncology and haematology ward for coming to 9 years. Though, at times, I do feel really depressed when I see some of my patients passed on,however, they served as a constant reminder to me not to take my life or other people for granted. To live my life to the fullness and never look back and regret. Another reason was, I want to help my patients. I want to help lighten their burdens. I want to make sure that they are well taken care of.... even to the extent of making enemies by telling my colleagues off for doing the wrong things... Well, you can't please everyone in the world...Sigh... Peace to all.... have a great weekend.